the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
North Korea, Best Korea!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
