so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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