The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
