4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
