Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
