I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
