get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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