i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
