I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
