Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
