I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
