I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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