dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
