I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
