i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
