dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
