break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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