Im at strip club and am horny
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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