I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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