So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
