when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ruined the universe
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
