Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
