This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
