I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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