Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
