i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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