i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this boner is exhausting
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
