Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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