he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The air was thick with penises
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
