it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
