my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
