I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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