Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
