Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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