I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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