A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
