Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
