You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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