the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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