but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
