ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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