yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
