if you like me you must not know who I am
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
