i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
