my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
