i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
