How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
