I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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