so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
