two words: eviction party
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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