don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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