you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
